Realization of Our Feelings
by EllisonLindsay
Summary: JJ has been feeling down with relationship issues. When Reid finally tells her how he feels about her, will she feel the same, or will the BAU never be the same? Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**JJ's Perspective.**

_(Super quick briefing for the story. Will and JJ were only dating a month or two, and JJ never had Henry.)_

_**You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. -**__**Sam Keen**_

I sit on my desk, looking through some papers blankly. "JJ?" I hear a soft voice call from downstairs. I stand up, and peek my head out of my office. "Reid, I'm in my office." I call out coldly, and go back to my desk to sit down. I hear him enter my office, and stare at me. "Morgan wanted to know if you were up for a night of poker with Garcia, Prentiss, and I?" He whispers at me. I sigh, "No, I don't think so. To many things on my mind right now to have fun I guess." I put the papers in a file, and set it on the floor, picking up another one from the pile across from me. "Are you sure? They said their going to play for drinks on Friday, whoever loses pays first round, and last round. Usually Morgan loses, so it's a pretty good bet that we could get a few free drinks to start the night off good." He laughs, and stands there. "I don't know, I'm really not feeling up to it." Reid doesn't budge. "Are you okay JJ?" I put my elbows on the table, and rest my head in my hands. "Spence, something's wrong with me. I feel like a relationship isn't in my mind set. Am I that hard to get along with? Or to love?" I whine into my palms. I feel him step closer, and place his hand on the back of my neck. "Nothing is wrong with you JJ, you are…perfect. Completely perfect." He tells me, and leans down to kiss the top of my head. I look up at him. "Spence, why are you so sweet? I don't get it, you could have any girl in the world." He coughs out a laugh, and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Do you want to get a drink just the two of us? Be wise to get you out of this office right?" He waits with his hand on my shoulder until I move. I sigh and start to put away my files.

He walks to the doorway again, waving the rest of them to go, and telling them we'll see them tomorrow. I smile when I hear Morgan laugh, and Garcia call goodbye. I stand up, and grab my purse. "Fine, but you're buying." I laugh, and walk out of the office. "Why are you wasting your Tuesday night with me though Spencer?" We walk up to the doors, he moves ahead of me, and holds the door open. I nod, and bite back a smile. "Because so many girls are lining up at my door right JJ?" He laughs, and presses the button for the elevator. He taps his foot, and looks at his watch. "Well, I know you've been down lately so I wanted to cheer you up." I look at him for a minute, and then at the elevator doors opening. "Sometimes, I really hate that were profilers. We can never sulk in our own lives, without someone catching onto it." I walk into the elevator.

As lean against the wall, he stands next to me resting the back of his hand on mine. I can feel him shaking, and his breath is heavy. "You okay?" I ask him, and pressing my hand onto his. "Oh…I'm fine. Just tired I guess, it was a long day." I smile. "We didn't even have a case today Spence." I laugh, and pat his arm. He smiles, and holds the elevator open for me, and I saunter out. We walk to the parking lot in silence, and walk to our cars parked side by side. "Well, whose car are we taking?" I lean against mine, and he smiles. "Sorry JJ, were taking my car. I'll drive you to work in the morning." He opens the door, and goes around to the drivers side. I roll my eyes, and get in the SUV, doing up the seatbelt. "So Reid, why are you doing this? You never answered me that." I look at him doing up his seatbelt. "I…I don't like seeing you hurt JJ. I care about you a lot, you're my best friend." I sigh, and lean my head back against the seat. I watch out the window as we pull out of the parking garage. "You're my best friend too Spence." I bite back tears, and breath in deeply. 'I'm to damn strong to cry for no reason. Jennifer, you need to grow up and man up.' "JJ…JJ? You alright over there?" I feel his hand touch my knee, and my eyes give up. I slap my hand onto my face and wipe the tears away. "I'm fine." He rubs my knee with his thumb, and I force back more tears. "Spence, can you promise me not to tell Hotch about how I'm feeling? I don't need him thinking I need time off for some issue that really isn't that big of a deal, you know?" I look at him, and analyze his face. "JJ, I promise, its just between the two of us." He squeezes my knee, and looks back at the road.

We drive in silence for 5 minutes, Reid's hand still on my knee. He parks the car and realizes that his hand was placed there, and snaps his hand back to his own thigh. "Well, I thought we'd just go to this place is that's okay?" I look up at the casual looking restaurant. "It looks good to me, I'm starving." I laugh, and open the door. "Hey Spence?" He stands up out of the SUV, and looks at me. "Thanks again." He smiles, and shuts the door. I shut the door behind me, and walk a few steps away from the car. He comes up beside me, and opens the door. "You're being such a gentleman tonight." I laugh, and walk inside. I watch him blush, and turn to the waiter. "For two?" I nod, and follow him to a quiet booth in the corner of the room.

We sit across from each other, and wait until the waiter leaves. "Well, this place is a lot nicer on the inside now isn't it." I state, and look around the room. "Its deceiving, making it look like a normal casual night out." Reid chuckles, and looks at me. "JJ, are you sure you're alright? You seem like you're somewhere else." I look back at him, then down at the menu. "Well, I don't know, this job makes everything so much harder. I get so damn…lonely at home. Looking at all those murders, and families in pain. Though in the end, there is usually someone for a victim or loved one to fall back on. What do I have? Nothing." He stares at me for a minute, and puts his hand on mine. "JJ, you have me." He calmly tells me, and gently rubs his thumb over the back of my palm.

We sit there smiling at each other for a few minutes, until I look up at the waitress staring down at us. "Can I get a Caesar please? No Tabasco." She nods, and writes down my drink quickly. "Can I just get a coke, and if you have Pepsi then that's fine too." She rolls her eyes and leaves the table. "Do they think we don't get that question or something? Or was is necessary for her to roll her eyes at my request?" He smiles, and looks at the menu. "Some people." I laugh, and flip through the menu again. We sit with our hands still touching for what seems like hours before the waitress comes back with our drinks. I smile slightly at her, and sip mine. "Why are you not drinking Spence?" I ask, and take another sip. "Not sure, some days when I drink, I feel like my mother, she used to mask things she was thinking with a night of drinks you know?" I nod, and look at my drink that is now half gone. "I do that. My house is always stocked with booze lately. Most nights I don't drink, its just the weekends mostly." He stares at me for a minute. "Why don't you ever talk to us? Or me at least, I would come and keep you company." I look at him, and scan his face. He looks nervous, and his eyes are starting to glaze over. "I don't know Reid, I just don't think anyone needs to see me intoxicated again." He cocks his head, and raises his brow. "Again? I've never seen you drunk." I smile, and tap his hand. "That's because when we all go out for drinks, you would stay home and read." He half smiles, and turns and looks around the room again.

We order our meals, and I rest my elbow on the table, leaning my head into my hand. "I think that I've haven't felt this comfortable for a very long time Spencer." He blushes, and takes a sip of his drink. "I'm never comfortable around people. Its like I scare them away. I'm not sure why I haven't done that to you though." I moves the hair out of his face, and looks back up at me. "Well, because I get you Spence. You're to good for the people who don't get you. You get me, and I get you. Were a good pair." The words slip out before I can stop it. His face turns red again, and takes a long sip of his drink. When our food arrives we sit in silence looking at each other and eating. He tries not to smile, and reaches across the table. His thumb traces across my bottom lip, and he brings it back to his napkin. "You're a messy eater." He laughs, and wipes his thumb off. I blush, and fight the urge to laugh. I look at the piece of food stuck to his chin, and I wipe it off with my thumb. "Look whos talking." I lick my thumb, and smile.

We finish eating and pay the bill. When we leave the restaurant we sit in the car for a minute before I turn to him. "Do you want to come over for a bit?" I blurt out, and smile sweetly at him. "Yeah, sure I'll come over." He smiles and starts the car. We talk about the last case, Morgan and Garcia's sexual tension, Prentiss infatuation with Rossi, and Hotch and Jack. "Haven't heard about Jack in a long time huh?" I say, and cross my legs. "Well, He's talked to Rossi about Jack, and Garcia because she bugs the heck out of Hotch." He laughs, and pulls into my driveway. We get out of the SUV, and walk to the front door. I take my keys out, and unlock the door. "I think this will be the first time I've seen your house…" I turn around, and look at Spencer. "What? No, you have had to be here at one point." He shakes his head and smiles shyly. I laugh, and open the door, walking inside. "Well its nothing interesting really, I don't really have anytime to make it look like a home to me." I hang up my jacket, and kick off my shoes. He shuts the door behind him, and stands there. "Are you going to come in?" He looks around, and takes off his shoes. "You can hang your jacket in there." I point to the closet, and walk to the kitchen.

"Do you want a glass of wine or anything?" He comes around the corner, and walks up beside me. "Just a small glass, is it white or red?" I reach on my tippy toes to try and reach for two wine glasses. He reaches up, grabbing them for me, and placing them on the table. "Red, and thanks." I reach into the fridge grabbing the bottle. I pour the wine in the glasses, and put it back in the fridge. "So what ever happened to Lila?" He takes slowly sips his wine, and looks at me. "She found someone a week after we left. I tried calling her, but she really didn't remember who I was. I really should have seen that coming. Im not a big Hollywood star." I rub his arm. "She should appreciate you, you did save her life. If it wasn't for you, then she could have been dead." He nods, and takes a smaller drink of his wine. "Yeah, well she cared for me at the time." I take a sip, and nod my head towards the living room. "Lets go sit in there." I smile, and lead him to the couch.

"Reid, can I ask you something?" I ask, as I sit down. He sits down beside me, and cocks his head. "Of course JJ." I take another sip of my wine, and take a deep breath. "Was this your way of taking me on a date?" I watch his breath get hitched in his throat. He takes a long sip of his drink, and looks at his feet. "Well…yeah. I didn't know how else to do it. I've never asked anyone out before…" I bite my lip, and look at him. "Well, I'm flattered." I kiss his cheek, and pull away slowly. He looks up at me with be doe eyes. "We have a connection don't we?" I ask him, and his face turns bright red. "Spence, you mean the world to me. I just don't want to hurt you." We stare at each other for a few minutes. "Jennifer, you could never hurt me." I place my glass on the table, and he does the same. He glances at me for a second, and I smile at him. "Spencer, what are you thinking?" He looks at his knees, and sighs. "I think you look extraordinary right now." I smile to myself, and pull his head up to look at me. I lean in, and kiss him gently. I feel his lips shake against mine, and I wrap my arms around his neck. He places his hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb on my skin. I pull away slowly, and look at him. "Im sorry, I shouldn't have done that." I turn away, and he pulls my face to look at him again. "JJ, Im really glad you did do that." I smile, and peck his cheek again.

We sit and talk for a bit. When I look at the clocks its 3AM. "Holy, How many glasses of wine have you had Reid?" He looks at the ceiling for a second, and then back at me. "6, Maybe I'll just take a taxi home." I shake my head, and pat his knee. "No, no. You're going to stay here tonight. You're suppose to drive me to work tomorrow." I laugh, and stand up. "You can stay in my room, I'll sleep on the couch tonight." I show him my bed room, and grab him some pants from the closet. "I bought these for Will, but he never wore them. So there yours now." I smile, and hand them to him. He nods, and walks to the washroom. I grab blankets and a pillow from the closet. He comes back to the living room, shirtless. "JJ, you are not sleeping on the couch okay? Your going to stay in your bed tonight. I can sleep on the couch if you wish." I roll my eyes, and look at him. "If im staying in my room, then so are you." His face turns bright red again, and I walk past him to my room. I shut the door behind me, and change into short shorts, and a tank top. I open the door back up, and call Spencer. I lay down on my bed, and roll onto my side. He walks into my room, and lays on top of the covers. "Are you not cold?" He shakes his head, and sighs. A few seconds later, his breathing gets heavier. I sigh, and roll over and face him. I watch him sleep for a few minutes before falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**JJ's Perspective.**

_**What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels. -**__**St. Augustine**_

When I wake, Reid's not there. I sit up, and stretch my arms, and hear the shower going. I get out of the bed, and make the covers before walking to the bathroom door. I knock on the door, "Hey, who said you could have a shower." I laugh, and lean against the door. "Sorry, I just felt so grimy from drinking." I smile, "Do you want me to make coffee, or we could pick some up on the way." I go to my closet and pick out a pink blouse, and a black pin striped blazer. I grab some black pants, and take off my shorts and shirt. "Oh god sorry!" I hear from behind me, I turn to see the bathroom door shutting quickly. I glance down at myself, and then back at the door. I quickly get changed and knock on the door, "You can come out now." I walk to the kitchen, and grab my briefcase from the doorway. I organize my files, and then put an apple in my bag. Spencer walks around the corner, still fluttered. "You've never seen a girl naked…have you Spence." His eyes snap up in a panic at me. I watch him fiddle with his belt, and then the strap on his bag. "Well, no. I never got a chance to when I was in high school…because I was 12." He moves to the doorway, and puts his shoes on. "We'll grab coffee on the way?" He smiles a crooked smile. "You know its okay that you haven't you know?" He keeps tying his shoe slowly. "Please don't say anything at work. I'll never hear the end of it with Morgan and Garcia." I nod, and slip on some high heeled boots. "Your secrets safe with me." I make a zipper action across my mouth, and open the door. "After you?" I smile, and glance around the house quickly before walking behind him, and locking the door.

"So, where do you usually get coffee from?" He gets in the car, and unlocks the passenger's side for me. "Well, depends really. Some days I feel like I need a very bitter coffee, and others I feel like I need a flowery kind…did you know that…" I put my hand up, and smile. "Reid, just drive to the place you would like your coffee from today." He nods, and turns the car on, pulling out of the driveway. "JJ, about last night…" I pause, and look at him. "I won't tell anyone that either Spence." I feel my heart sink as that words escape my mouth. I already knew that I had to tell Garcia. She will no something's up if I don't fill her in with what went on after her and Morgan left. He drives to a small coffee shop about 15 minutes away. He turns off the car, and turns to me. "By the way JJ, you look…exquisite." He tells me, and gets out of the car. I sit there shocked for a minute, and then get out of the car.

He orders a regular coffee, and I order a Mocha. Before he can take out his wallet, I put down a twenty dollar bill down. "I owe you." I wink at him, and grab my change from the cashier, and thank her. I walk over to my coffee, and meet Reid where the sugar and milk is. "Reid, I need to know something from you." He pours some milk into his coffee, and stirs it. "What is it JJ?" I gulp some air, and look at my cup. "How long have you had feelings for me?" His hand stops moving for a second, then continues faster. "Oh well, for awhile. They first came up when Gideon was in the BAU, and well when he left you were there to help me with the fact that he did leave. You were one of the people who have been there for me. It means a lot to me JJ. There was never anyone who could understand me; I was 12 in high school, 12! Do you know how hard it is to be 12, and trying to do Year 11 Calculus? Pretty hard. My mother was…wasn't a mother at that point either. I…" I wrap my arm around his waist, and lean my head against his arm. "Shh, I understand Spence; I will always be here for you. I care for you, and only want the best for you." I kiss his arm, and walk outside.

We arrive at the BAU, and it's quiet. I hear heels clicking closer to me, and then Garcia's beside me, dragging me to my office. "Garc…" She laughs, and covers my mouth. "Shh, we need to talk." My eyes flicker to Reid, who's standing there staring back at me. He shrugs his shoulders, and I watch as Morgan grab him by the shoulders, and pulls him to the elevator. Garcia shuts the door behind us, and shuts the blinds.

"You have to keep this a secret okay?" She informs me, and sits at the chair in front of my desk. I go and sit at my desk, and cock my head at her. "Okay?" I watch her close her eyes, and smile. "Derek kissed me. On the lips! When you and Reid stayed here, he took me for dinner. We talked and laughed all night. So when he went to take me home, we ended up at the doorstep, and bam! He kissed me, and my god JJ, Sparks! There were sparks from our lips!" She's basically shaking at this point. I watch her tap her lip for a minute, and then she continues. "I invited him in too…" My jaw drops, and her smile gets wider. "He did too! Before you get to excited, all we did was sleep. I was so nervous to suggest anything else. He was so cute in his shirtless boxer bod in my bed! I could have died JJ; I could have died a very happy women." I try and find words to say, but come up a blank. "So wait, what's going to happen now with you two? Are you a couple?" I ask, and she looks at me with an extremely puzzled look on her face. "I think…I think we are. He was telling me all morning how beautiful I was. I should talk to him though right?" She pauses, then slap her hand to her mouth, mumbling against it. "Oh god! What did you and Reid do last night? I forgot to ask!" I try and avoid her look, but before I say anything she gasps. "It's not what you think Garcia! We just kissed okay? That was it! We had dinner, and some drinks. I didn't want him driving home, so he stayed overnight. It was only a kiss!" I panic, and feel my heart sink with each word I say. She squeals and pats her thighs. "God, finally. You two have had so much sexual chemistry you should have been doing the dirty years ago." I roll my eyes, and stand up. "I'd love for you to keep this on the down low. Dirt for dirt?" She nods, and skips out of my office.

I slump back into my chair, as Reid walks in, shutting the door behind him. I quickly stand up, "Reid, oh god I feel awful but I…" My words are cut off with Reid kissing me. He's holding my face gently, and my arms have wrapped around his waist. When he pulls away, he's still holding me. "I told Morgan…" I smile, and sigh. "I told Garcia." He laughs, and pecks my lips again. "Dirt for dirt we us four." I tell him, and quickly go back to my chair. "Hotch is going to be coming in here any second. So you should go. We'll talk after work alright?" He nods, and casually walks out of my office.

I sigh again, and open my briefcase, taking the files out, as Hotch walks in. "JJ, We need to talk about the case in California. It's almost two clean." I nod, "I was just thinking the same thing."

We arrive back at the BAU late, and everyone but Garcia, Morgan, Reid, and I have left. We all stand around the office, and look around. "Well, since we all no about each other. Should we all discuss it?" Reid asks all of us. Garcia and I burst into laughter, and I pat Spence's back. "Oh Spence, you're so funny." He looks at me confused, then at the ground. "Pretty boy, you need to learn the ways of love." Morgan informs him, and winks at Garcia. She blushes instantly, and looks at me. "Dinner? The three of us?" I nod, and look towards the guys. Morgan's already picked his bag, and Reid was packing papers quickly into his. "I guess that's a yes from then." I laugh, and walk into my office to pack up my files.

A few seconds later, then door shuts, and Reid's standing there. "Yes?" I ask and continue to pack. "J…Jennifer, I've been thinking that maybe we should…give us a try? You know what I mean, because I think it's in our best interest that we explode the possibility of us having some sort of a connection." He keeps blabbing on as I walk towards him. I wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him. When I pull away, he looks shocked. "Spence, you need to learn to talk less, and just do." I peck him softly, and then go back to grab my bag. "Let's go." I smile at him, and we walk out of the office.

We arrive at a small restaurant out of town. "Thought that this would be safer to go too, so we don't run into Hotch or Rossi." Reid tells me, and we get out of the car as Morgan and Garcia drive up. I stand and wait for her to get out of the car. "God, this place looks nicer than I'm dressed for." Morgan smiles at her, and walks next to her. "Baby-girl, you look gorgeous anytime. This place has nothing on you." She swats his arm, and he laughs. I look at Reid who's staring at Morgan and Garcia. I sigh, and turn to the doorway. "Well let's go inside then, I'm getting cold." I tell everyone, and start towards the door. Reid walks beside me, and his hands hits mine. I tangle my fingers with his, and look at him. "Why don't you grab my hand next time?" I wink at him, and laugh. I can hear Garcia and Morgan giggling at my remark, and Spencer's face turns bright red. "I'm not forward, you know that." He tells me, as Morgan smacks him on the back. "Reid, you and me are going to go for a drink tomorrow okay? We're going to teach you something's for JJ's sake." He laughs, and takes Garcia's hand.

We enter the restaurant, and get seated. Garcia and I sit across from the guys, and whisper to each other. "Reid has been staring at you like a hawk staring at a mouse. He wants you!" She whispers, and I sneak a glance at Reid. She was right. Reid is looking at me, and so far I haven't seen him blink. Morgan taps him with his elbow, and he snaps his head to look at him. "Well Morgan is doing the same to you. Were going to have to let Hotch know about what's going on pretty damn soon you know. It's really obvious that something is going between the 4 of us." I inform Garcia and she nods. I look back up to see Reid smiling and nodding at Morgan. "God, what did you just tell him? I'm not sure I approve of this dinner anymore." My eye widen, and I look at Morgan who is now trying to put on a straight face. "I didn't tell pretty boy anything, he's telling me stories about his college years." I roll my eyes, and eat my food in silence.

Once we finish up and leave, we all stand by the SUV's and talk. "Well its getting late, how about you take me home my chocolate sugar cookie." Garcia coo's at Morgan. "Alright Baby-girl, let's get you to bed." Garcia hugs me, and says goodbye to Reid before they drive off. "I should get getting you home too." Reid tells me, and gets in the car. I get in, and look over at him while I put the seatbelt on. "Do you…want to stop over at your place to get some clothes?" I ask him, and bite my lip gently. He looks over at me, more confused that ever. "Why?" I raise my eyebrow, and look away. "Oh forget Spence, let's just go." I feel him touch my knee and I turn to look at him again. "JJ, I'm kidding." He laughs, and starts the car. I roll my eyes, and swat his arm gently. "Just for that, straight to my house, no stopping anymore." I laugh, and he looks like he's going to burst out laughing.

We pull into my driveway, and head inside. "I'm going to go get changed, can you lock up?" He nods, and I head to my bedroom to change. I leave my door open out of habit, and take my shirt and pants off. A few seconds later I feel arms wrap around me. "I'm new at this." He whispers against my neck. He leaves gentle kiss down my neck, and shoulder. "Reid, you don't have to try and be Morgan." I close my eyes, and smile. I turn around, and look at him. His eyes go wide, and he's fighting the urge to smile. "Oh lord, you are like a child Spence." I kiss him softly before slipping on a large t-shirt. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but I'm tired Hun, tomorrow night I'll rock your very large brain." I tell him. "Actually that's a myth, all brains are the same size, and everyone has the capacity to be the same intelligence as me, but most people don't put the time and effort into their studies to do that. There was this one kid…" I put my finger to his mouth, and smile. "Spencer, hush." He walks over to the bed, and takes his shirt, and pants off. He looks at me while he stands there in just his boxers. "Are you going to stand there and stare at me? Or are you going to get into bed?" I ask him, as I walk over to the bed, and lay down.

Reid lies down next to me, and wraps his arms around me. I lie on my side and look at him. "Do you think were rushing things?" I ask him, and place my hand on his cheek. "JJ, I wouldn't know what rushing it was if it slapped me in the face. All I know is that I've cared about you for a long time now, and I don't want to lose you." I smile, and peck kiss him softly but passionately. "Spencer, you make me happier than I've ever been in my life. I don't know what I would do if I had never met you, or joined the BAU. I don't think I can bear to lose you at this point, and I don't think there is time to go back to the way things were you know?" He nods, and places his hand on my cheek, rubbing it gently with his thumb. "Tell me something though Spence…" He smiles, "What is it JJ?" I sigh, and look at the bed. "Do you love me…?"

I think about all the time that we've know each other, and how all the years that I've felt this spark, I've just shrugged in off. I watch him shut his eyes, and sigh loudly. "Jennifer…I don't really know how to describe how I feel. I want to yell out every little thing that I feel when you touch me, or when you're near me. It physically hurts me when you're not around me. I feel like there is something alive in my stomach when you talk to me, or when you surprise me. I don't know what love is, but I really do this that I love you." I look at his face, and smile. "Spence, I know that I'm not capable of loving you at this moment in time. Though, in a few months, weeks, or even days, I know I will." I kiss him with force this time, and tangle my legs with his. "Don't fret okay? You are special to me Spence, don't forget it." I kiss his nose, and close my eyes. I feel him pull my closer as we drift off to sleep.


End file.
